Every once in a while everyone needs to vent….yet once you get to it, the intentions with which you started somehow seem bleak. So you just start writing and see where that gets you – usually it ends with an overflowing ashtray and a half empty bottle or whiskey, your fist in the wall and cursing your brains out. As I see it I’m only half way there – ashtray is full and it sort of reminds me of my current life. Take a cigarette. Now imagine that’s a problem you’re facing in your life – you can either avoid it and put it back in the carton, or you can inhale the sweet nicotine that is the root of the problem. With every drag you take, the problem becomes smaller and the byproduct is just smoke, slowly dissipating into the air, must like your efforts…In the end all you have is the cigarette bud – the root of the problem you tried to face, which you just extinguish in the ashtray – the deepest recess of your mind. When it’s one charred filter or two, it doesn’t bother you – ashtray can handle more than that, right ? As some point in your life though, much like the ashtray, your mind becomes encumbered with all the problem you so tirelessly throw in it.
The point I’m so vividly trying to illustrate is that we all need to purge the ashtray of our mind and make room for the problems and challenges to come. And that’s exactly what I’ve been trying to do these past months – emptying my troubled mind, one cigarette bud at a time…I have, since I began this journey of self exploration, found out that I’ve been less than exemplary in my relations with those for whom i care , even with myself. I have since set out to tell everyone what I always couldn’t and do what I never had the balls to do and that’s been working out great for me.
On a brighter note, I’ve been eating less, drinking and smoking more….so…that’s cool right? I’m still unimaginably annoyed at the world around me – in a country where snow is a common thing in February, the government still manages to be “surprised” every time white power rains forth from the sky and the streets never seems to get cleaned up….so politics have reached a new low…; work is work, never enjoyable, always a pain, but I’m not getting into that one due to the slim chance of my bosses reading this. Management, if you are however reading:
[irony] Love ya ! <3 [/irony]
Higher education is fun and it always is when you actually learn something you can use someday from people who give half a flying fuck. Don’t get me wrong – I have the deepest respect some a S-M-A-L-L P-E-R-C-E-N-T-A-G-E of my high school educators (har, har). Midterms were passed, new friends were made and for the time being nothing is rotten in the state of Denmark, so heaven has nothing to correct….or DOES IT ?!
My personal life is as usual near rock bottom. Broke up with a bitch. Bitch’d tripped balls… At least I found out that paranoia, jealousy and a lack of any regard for human emotion are NOT qualities I’d like in my “better half”. I mean….that’s supposed to be my job, right (to be read – hear me roar for I am MAN !). If I believe that there is a person you’re meant to be with, than mine is either chained in a cave in the middle east, being forced to watch girl on girl action over and over until she becomes full on lesbian (or dies, you know – what ever comes first)…which isn’t so bad once you think about it….
That’s all I really wanted to excrete for now, so you can either :
a) Laugh
b) Cry
c) Ridicule me
Please send all answers to priest@armenia.ar no later than I-don’t-care.
